things to do while stuck in the bathroom

Reading the backs of shampoo bottles can only get you so far when you’re on intimate terms with the bathroom. Here’s a handy list of ways to wile away the agonising hours (if you add up colitis bathroom time, it gets a little scary!) in the loo.

  • do your nails. Only applicable when you’re not in writhing pain.
  • put on moisturizer. Nothing like a bit of tearing up to help it soak in!
  • listen to music. Especially good if you’re worried about unseemly noises, just bring along a iPod dock and crank it. Although, let’s be honest, if you’re at the point where you’ve been diagnosed with an IBD, noises are probably the least of your concerns. But you can choose music to suit your pain/movement mood! O Fortuna is best reserved for special occasions.
  • wail in pain. Because sometimes it’s all you can really do.
  • sing. Not just for the shower anymore! Serenade your flatmates with your musical prowess!
  • cry.
  • read. A Kobo or Kindle is your best friend. Best thing is trashy teen novels that you secretly want to read, but don’t want the perceived shame of carrying around the book itself. Plus they are generally fairly straightforward when it comes to reading comprehension, so you’re unlikely to miss anything crucial is your eyes glaze over during particularly bad waves of pain.
  • internet. Whip out the old smartphone. Read up on the news, or check out a colitis/Crohn’s forum or support group. I’m a particular fan of IHaveUC.com and both the CrohnsDisease and IBD subreddits on everyone’s favourite Front Page of the Internet.
  • text people. I’m terrible at remembering to contact people, so the bathroom is sometimes my go-to for responsible daughter text messages to my mother.
  • ponder. Eg. when will the drugs work / should I just get surgery / should I just get surgery NOW by myself with a kitchen knife / was the cheesecake worth it
  • philosophise/theorise. If Archimedes could make scientific discoveries in the bath, why can’t you do it on the loo?
  • or just think about how delectable those painkillers are going to be when they start kicking in.

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