this is in vain,
i know
and you will think me
perpetual queen of ‘what ifs’
but you were perpetually queen
of hypothetical futures
so perhaps you could have known better
(but really
how could you?)

i am sorry
for all that i did not become
for the dreams that have fallen
and been lost

i am sorry
for what i lack
for what potential
has been burned away

i am sorry
that i am not yet strong enough
to strive for that
which is not yet completely lost

but i promise you
some things do change
for reasons yet unknown

and some things
you do not expect
will make things
all worthwhile