so i broke my ankle…

I broke my ankle.

In three places.

And dislocated it.

And tonight is my tenth night in a row in Auckland Hospital.

I arrived in an ambulance on a Wednesday.

I was meant to be flying to Honiara on the first Friday.

I’d be back by now if I’d gone.

Continue reading so i broke my ankle…

Hospital haiku. December 4–8.

I trim the stems of
hospital tulips with my
ostomy scissors

Lounging
Medically important lounging photo by Uther ‘Prolific Playwright/Published Poet’ Dean.

 

My plans to blog on the daily were slightly messed around by ill health. After several days in a row of leaving work early due to feeling rather deathly, I finally relented and went into ED on Friday night, thinking that they would give me some fluids and maybe some codeine and send me on my way. But now it’s Monday afternoon and I only just got home a few hours ago.

So to make up for the days lost to a phone-only internet void (and, you know, being hospital-level unwell), here is a selection of random, occasionally drug addled, haiku/short poetry from those lost days.

HOSPITAL HAIKU

I trim the stems of
hospital tulips with my
ostomy scissors

His fingers fly
Writing; counting syllables
Of five, seven, five

The nurse’s glove broke
Latex gave way to warm flesh
Precious skin contact

Mail, Facebook, Twitter
Textual interactions
Words to keep afloat

Tonight at midnight
Lost in an internet blur
I may read Buzzfeed

Arms take turns itching
Fingers one-by-one on fire
Then last are the shins

Pillows that whistle
Every time you try to
Gently rest your head

White blankets and sheets
Lightly patterned white/blue gowns
Pale ghosts at night

I would try to sleep
But I have already and
The steroids say no.

Now waiting, waiting
Free me to the outside world
It’s almost sunny

Orange juice is a
Generous term for this stuff.

the official countdown begins

Here are some numbers – I’m 23 years old. I’ve been diagnosed with ulcerative colitis for a smidge over two and a half years. I’ve had IBD-type symptoms for 4-5 years. And in 18 days, I’ll be getting a partial colectomy.

Yes folks, I’m booked for surgery. September 11th, of all days. I will be heading out to the Manukau Surgery Centre, and I’ll be there for at least 3-4 days. Approximately a third of my large bowel will be removed – though they won’t know for sure until they’re going in, of course – my last scope was in June, so it’s possibly that things are looking slightly different, but no matter what, that left side is on its way out.

I’ll wake up with a temporary ostomy, in all likelihood – there’s a lot more risk of things not healing up properly if everything is reconnected straight away. I’ve therefore been eyeing up various sassy wraps and high waisted underwear (some of the ones that Awestomy have are particularly boss, and I’d kind of like a pair regardless of whether or not I had a bag to keep safe!) – but I don’t want to commit in case my stoma winds up being particularly low or high, meaning certain garments would be more or less appropriate, depending.

I’ll also be off work for about a month. If I’d been heading for a total colectomy, it would have been more like six weeks, but a month is what I’ve been advised for this partial colectomy – thank jebus, because I’ve got approximately 18 days of holiday pay accrued (and a day and half of sick leave left), so I should just make it through without having to worry about arranging a temporary sickness benefit, which would only just cover my rent and weekly household expenses, plus $5, so that’s not exactly ideal).

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous – now that I have an actual set-in-stone date (and it’s only two and a half weeks away!), it’s all even more real. I’ve had the initial consultation (which I’ve probably mentioned already), I’ve had the preemptive MRI (to check in on my small intestine – jury’s still out on that one, to the best of my knowledge, so I’m still hovering in the ‘could-it-maybe-be-Crohn’s?’ camp), and next I have the actual final pre-surgery appointment on the sixth. And the the big show the next week. I know there are risks involved, obviously. That’s the scary part. But most of all, I am excited that there is finally progress being made. Something is getting done. It’s not the final solution – there’s another operation or two before we even think about being at that point, but it’s something – and the idea that I could wake up with most of my pain and problems gone… that’s pretty fabulous.

I’ll definitely be keeping y’all posted as things progress.

Eeek.

Love and guts,

Briar

hospital haiku (365 pieces – january 3rd)

on ward thirty two
needle in my savaged arm
watch a bruise blossom

how the rain falls now
poems for the soul that cries
every waking hour

this is infusion
my arm is a-lure-ing and
meds put me to sleep

taste the bitter pill
feel the clammy summer air
give up / write haiku

air like coffee grounds
a mind full of similes
and disinfectant