Endurance

I went back under shortly after the nurse spoke to me. There are no more memories of the post-surgical ward, where they watch you so carefully to make sure your body remembers how to breathe and pump blood and fire neurons and all the things that it might not be so crash hot at after however many hours of general anaesthetic. Eventually the machines attached to me and the observations taken by nurses came to an agreement. I was deemed fit to return to the land of the living. Continue reading Endurance

curled-up flesh

Pain. Drowning  crinkle-cut curled-up flesh in whitest milk. Obligation lifts the cup, pours it in. No foil-wrapped magic tricks want to have anything to do with it; the capsule sinks below the surface before it can ignite. Flickers as a match might, but with the untiring power of the glowing ember. No end in sight. The worst days were better, because hope was still cradled that the broken parts could be cut away and mended, dead branches and grafts. But the poison is in the tree and eventually there will be nothing left but dried parts broken on the forest floor. All … Continue reading curled-up flesh

world IBD day

It is May 19th – at least in New Zealand, it is. On this day, the following things have happened throughout history Anne Boleyn was beheaded (1536) Nellie Melba, the soprano and namesake of a delicious dessert, was born (1861) Oscar Wilde was released from prison (1897) Pol Pot, leader of the Khmer Rouge and totalitarian dictator of Cambodia, was born (1925) André René Roussimoff, AKA André the Giant, was born (1946) Marilyn Monroe sang ‘Happy Birthday’ to JFK (1962) Tu’i Malila , the world’s oldest known tortoise died at 188 years old (1965) Jodi Picoult, Queen of Depressive Chick Lit, … Continue reading world IBD day

things that are scary…

…having a colorectal surgeon tell you she does actually wonder whether it could be Crohn’s, not ulcerative colitis, because of the area of involvement in the lower colon. It’s more of a ‘we need to be sure before final surgical decisions are made’ type situation, because my case is evidently a bit peculiar. People heading in for colectomies don’t tend to be left-sided folks, like I am – so it’s unusual territory for the surgeon, apparently. The current plan is to take out most of the diseased section, rather than the whole-colon-except-a-rectal-stump as would be the usual course of action … Continue reading things that are scary…

an ode to blood and guts

and the blood always blood it comes and it goes but it’s always back and the pain how one deludes oneself into rationalizing it until it returns and it twists between organs and connective tissue and the prisons of different sorts small rooms boxes, suffocating and the mind and the belly and the fact that you can’t sever the connection no epidural to be given as in childbirth no window of hours or of days before it will be gone women will scoff yet i would trade them with absolutely certainty i will take your pain and the knowledge of … Continue reading an ode to blood and guts

where did normal go?

I’ve been meaning to do a video post, just for kicks, and because hey, why not bring some roguish Kiwi charm to the colitis and literature discussion table? But that’s not tonight, because I’m suddenly feeling spectacularly sore, and am hour by hour convincing myself that I am getting more and more of a prednisone moon-face. So that’s a blast. Related, kind of, here’s my current new-drug status… – Week and a bit on prednisone. – One and a half days since my first infliximab/Remicade infusion – Week and a bit on my increased dose of Asacol (4 pills twice … Continue reading where did normal go?